I don’t think life is necessarily about finding yourself. I think it’s about creating yourself.
There was once a time in my life when I was stuck somewhere between who I was, who I wanted to be, and who I should be. Something many people don’t know about me is that I had a major self-confidence issue growing up. I hated the way I looked. I wasn’t confident in how I looked or how I felt. I wasn’t confident in who I was as a person at all. I didn’t like myself. It was no one’s fault but my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I tried to hide it. In result, I tried to conform myself to fit in.
I relied on other’s opinions of me for my own happiness. It was sad, I was sad.
I was always trying to find myself. I thought I wasn’t as good as other people. Looking back on it now it was sad how much I didn’t appreciate my own worth. I thought other’s had to love and cherish me but I didn’t realize I could love and cherish myself.
Maybe it had a lot to do with today’s society and how easy it is for girls to not feel like they’re good enough; how high the exceptions to look a certain way, act a certain way, and be perfect looking. I didn’t think I could roll out of bed with a messy bun, no make-up, go out and conquer the world, and feel beautiful all at the same time. In all reality though there was no one to throw the blame on but me.
Somewhere along the way in all of the mess of trying to earn other’s positive opinions on me. I was so wrapped up in what people thought of me and how I could impress them, how I looked, how I acted… that I didn’t even know what I liked about myself. I thought confidence was about how I looked, acted, dressed, I was so wrong. It had me almost in a state of depression. No one really knew what I was battling with. I was not happy. I was shy. I was constantly comparing myself to other people, what made them special, and trying to be more like them.. I never took the time to step back and think about what made me special. I thought I wasn’t good enough.. ever. I didn’t like me. I lost myself…
In order to find myself.
It wasn’t until college that I really started finding myself…creating myself, into the person I wanted to be. Believe it or not my sorority, along with a few other things, helped to start instilling confidence in myself, because one of our values is confidence and I knew it was something I needed to work on. It pushed me to join clubs, meet people, and apply for positions I didn’t ever think I would earn. I came to the reality of no one is perfect and happy all the time, sometimes we are just content and that’s okay.
I’ve learned many things in my college years, one being that to achieve even the smallest of goals, to get through life’s daily duties and responsibilities, to have a positive attitude, you have to have some self-confidence. One day I woke up tired of not feeling good enough and looked myself in the mirror and recited attributes I liked about myself. Then I started discovering all the attributes that I didn’t like about myself. I was focusing on them and I worked on improving them or even if I couldn’t change them I worked on accepting them and moving on.
Self-confidence is an attitude that you hold about yourself, it’s not about how pretty you are, how thin you are, or anything else to that matter. It’s about how you feel about yourself, it’s your attitude. Once I figured that out I became happier, I looked happier.
Becoming self-confident does not mean you are unrealistic about yourself and your situation. There is a difference in being full of yourself and having self-confidence.
Being confident is when you understand that you are not the best of the best and you learn you accept it and do your best anyway. Being confident means still moving forward toward your goals, achievements, and desires even when things don’t seem to be going your way.
I created myself into the person I am happy being. I’m not a new me, I am an improved me. I don’t know why I ever let the opinions of other’s effect my life so much.
I am not self-absorbed, I am not cocky nor arrogant, I am confident. I can roll out of bed in a messy bun from the night before, no make-up, a baggy tee and shorts, and go on about my life and feel confident. Be confident.